Life on the Front Line
As some of you may know, I work for the ambulance service on the front line attending patients needing 999 help for a variety of reasons but obviously, of late, there have been other pressing concerns. So, I thought I would share with you my reflections on how my practice and the dharma and the sangha are sustaining me during the current times.
I have recently been revisiting the story of Siddhartha as a young man, seeing, really seeing as if eyes open for the first time, the existential predicament we face of old age, sickness and death. And it seems to me that there are parallels in our current time as people from all walks of life also appear, as if for the first time, to be confronting these facts of every day life. For myself, this is something I face regularly through my job: I have experienced the joy of assisting a mother as she gives birth; I have given treatments that relieve pain and defibrillation shocks that restart the heart; and I have witnessed death both natural and traumatic. I know that witnessing this does not make me immune - I too am subject to ageing, sickness and death and I am at peace with that. But all of this gives me a deep appreciation for the life that I have lived so far and for the unknown time that lays before me so that I might use it wisely and skilfully. So with that in mind I would like to share the aspect of my job that I find most important to me: the interpersonal connection and the humanity the binds us together.
Recently I took a confirmed Covid 19 patient into hospital. Her symptoms had become worse and she was very poorly but above all she was frightened of suffering, of dying, and of leaving her family behind. I could give her oxygen and make her comfortable but I couldn’t promise that she would survive. In times like these, above all those treatments, I think the most important thing I can do is see my patient as a person, be genuinely present with full attention, holding her hand, letting her cry and crying with her. I will never know the outcome of her stay in hospital but I do know that during my time with her and others like her I have experienced my deepest expression of metta and have given it unconditionally. These times weigh heavy on me but my daily meditation practice and connection with the Sangha support and give me strength:
I begin my day with a short mindfulness of breathing practice – only 20 mins – but enough to develop an awareness of how I am feeling mentally and physically ready for the shift. Throughout the day, particularly after those emotional moments, I pause and take a breathing space to reconnect with myself and ground myself ready for the next job. At the end of my shift, after a hot shower and a good cup of tea, I take time to connect with myself again and explore those feelings through a Metta Bhavana meditation. This practice helps remind me how interdependent we are. Whilst I am working providing medical care there are many other people out there providing essential services: the dustbin men, the delivery people, supermarkets (with their NHS hour that enable me to shop around my shifts and not risk infecting other people) and the army of volunteers filling the gaps to name but a few.
Last week my family took me outside to hear the ‘NHS Clap for our Carers’. I felt a little embarrassed if I’m honest. This is a job I do quietly, competently, without drawing attention to myself. But here I was standing in the street with my neighbours applauding and I wasn’t sure what to do other than blush. But then I realised what this means to some people - this is an opportunity for the socially distanced community to come outside or pop heads through windows and rejoice in the merits of those permitted to help. It is also a reciprocal opportunity for carers to thank those of you staying indoors, thereby reducing the potential numbers of infections that could overwhelm the NHS. So again our interconnection plays an important part in what it means to be human which leads me back to the Sangha. I believe that any human being with the right conditions will flourish and for me that is the opportunity to be part of the Nottingham Sangha. So I would like to express my gratitude to those that have rallied round to respond to the needs of our Sangha by using YouTube and Zoom groups to allow us to come together and share in spirit until we can once again be in our beautiful shrine room in Nottingham.
With Metta
Lisa Camm